Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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