currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
