think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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