never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
