after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
