in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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