Moan for me like Helen Keller
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
