if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
