It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
