Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
that may or may not have been my penis.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
