you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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