You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
