Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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