Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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