WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
