I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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