I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
