im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
