CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
