I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
