Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
