I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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