so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
