in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
