i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
