I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
