there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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