i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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