dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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