How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
