do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
is that a dick in a sweater?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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