standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
