I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
