You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
false alarm, still single
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
