I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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