Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Randomize
