I accidentally had phone sex last night
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
