I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
