Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
