I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
