I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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