A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to calm my uterus...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
