Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
