All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
