ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
