I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
