I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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