Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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