Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
