If that was your dad, he is hot
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
